My parent has an issue with alcohol or other drugs

If you live with a parent or carer who has alcohol or other drug (AOD) issues, you might be looking for some ways to support yourself and your siblings, if you have them.

While not all young people who have parents with addiction experience problems, we know that you might have some extra stresses in your life.

These stresses could be about money, where you live, what’s going on for your parent or carer, and family relationships.^{1, 2}

You might sometimes feel lonely, confused, angry, scared or overwhelmed.

To help, we’ve put together some information to explain what addiction is, and some suggestions about how you can look after yourself – including some useful support services you can turn to.¹

What is alcohol and/or drug addiction?

Addiction is when someone’s not able to control or stop using alcohol or another drug, even though it’s causing harm.³

People use alcohol and other drugs for many different reasons, and most people who use these substances don’t develop an addiction.

But some people can become addicted after regular or heavy use over time. We know addiction affects people from all walks of life and there’s no one cause.

We also know there are certain things that make it more likely for a person to experience addiction – this might be having a family member who has experienced addiction, their mental health, their relationships or having experiences of trauma.^{4, 5}

Importantly, just because someone has experienced these risk factors doesn’t necessarily mean they will experience alcohol and drug use issues.

How do I know if my parent is addicted to alcohol or other drugs?

Addiction can be different for each person and doesn’t always look the same. But there’s some common signs.

They might regularly be:

• late to work or missing work
• asking to borrow money, or not having enough money for bills
• not going to family events
• using alcohol or other drugs at home.⁶

When it comes to drinking or using drugs are they:

• using more than they had planned to, or needing to have more to get the same effect?
• feeling the need to keep drinking or taking other drugs to feel normal and to avoid withdrawal symptoms?
• not being able to stop or reduce their drinking or drug use even though they’ve tried?

You can find out more in our article: Understanding drug and alcohol addiction (dependence).

Supporting your parent or carer

Sometimes a parent or carer’s AOD use prevents them from providing emotional and physical support.

This can lead to a role reversal. Role reversal is when you become the caregiver to your parent and/or your siblings.^7,2

This can mean you take on adult responsibilities and behaviours before you should have to.⁸

This might be things like:

• cooking
• cleaning
• grocery shopping
• paying bills.

It can also include things like:

• comforting them when they’re upset
• listening to parents or carers talk about their problems
• having to keep secrets or tell lies for your parent
• trying to stop arguments between your parent and other family members.^8,9

Taking on the extra responsibilities to support your parent and keep the family safe can feel overwhelming.^8,9

Looking after yourself

If this sounds familiar to you or someone you know, it’s really important to look after yourself, and there’s lots of different ways you can do this.

Here’s a few ideas:

• Talk to someone you know and trust about what’s happening at home. This might be your school counsellor, a teacher, a coach, or a relative you feel comfortable with. Remember, it’s okay to talk about a parent’s or carer’s addiction and how it’s affecting you.
• Have a safe space. It’s helpful if you can find a place to go for a short break or overnight if you’re feeling unsafe. This should be somewhere you can feel comfortable and can show your feelings. This might be a relative or friend’s house.
• Take a break. Being able to get away from what’s going on at home to relax, unwind, and recharge can make you feel a lot better. It might just be kicking the footy with a friend, going to the skatepark, playing sport, getting out in nature or gaming at a mate’s.
• Reach out to support services. There are some great organisations that can help with lots of different things like with school, managing money, and mental health. See our list below for more details.

And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed or upset there are strategies you can use to help you feel better:

• connect – hang out with people who make you feel good
• exercise – run, walk, box, ride or go to the gym
• get creative – music, draw, paint, Lego
• listen to music – playlist the songs, artists and albums which help get you through
• talk it out – with a mate or someone else you trust.

And remind yourself:

• you didn’t cause this situation, you can’t cure it and you can’t control it
• it’s okay to take care of yourself first before caring for others
• to communicate how you’re feeling by talking and sharing your experiences with others
• to make healthy choices to take care of your mind and body
• to celebrate you and all that makes you unique and special.¹⁰

Getting help and support

There are some great services available to help support you living with a parent with substance use problems, as well as online and phone counselling.

Check out the following support services:

• Young Carers Network
• Youth Support and Advocacy Service
• Little Dreamers
• Kids Helpline
• headspace.

More information:

• Explaining addiction to a child
• Path2Help
• Having the conversation about AOD

This article was written in collaboration with Little Dreamers

Little Dreamers is Australia’s leading Young Carer organisation, supporting young people who provide unpaid care for a family member affected by disability, chronic or mental illness, addiction, or frail age.

Across a range of direct support programs, both in-person and online, Little Dreamers is improving the quality of life for Young Carers across five key areas: education, employment, mental and physical health, socialisation, and financial wellbeing. Their vision is a world in which every Young Carer is supported by someone or something by 2030.

Find out more at www.littledreamers.org.au